July Year: 2009

Simply The Thursday List

30th Jul 2009 · · Link

Well as I have a wedding to go to thought I might as well educate people to the true meaning of something:

Something Old is meant to represent the link with the bride's own family and the past particularly mother or grandmother or even most distant relations. Something old is symbolic of continuity. To symbolise this link brides may choose to wear a piece of antique family jewellery which belonged to the relative. Alternatatively they may select something from the mother's or grandmother's wedding gown. Other things that may be chosen include a handkerchief, a scarf or a piece of lace.

Something New represents good luck and success and the brides hopes for a bright future in her new married life. The wedding gown is often chosen as the new item but it could be anything that is purchased new for the wedding such as the wedding flowers or the wedding rings. Wearing a new item on your wedding day conveys the message that you and your husband are creating a new union that will endure forever.

Something Borrowed is to represent to the bride that friends and family will be there for her on the special day and in the future when help is needed. "Borrowing" is especially important, since it has to come from a happily married woman, thereby lending the bride some of her own marital happiness to carry into the new marriage. Anything can be borrowed but it must be returned afterwards. Another way to incorporate a borrowed item into your wedding day attire is to borrow a friend's piece of jewellery. If you have a close friend who has worn the same necklace for as long as you have known her, you might consider borrowing this particular necklace for your wedding day as a reminder of your friendship. Perhaps she wore the necklace on her own wedding day.

Something Blue in ancient times is the symbol of faithfulness, purity and loyalty. Often a blue item is the garter and in olden times the couple wore blue bands on the border of their wedding attire to denote, love, modesty and fidelity. Another way to wear something blue is to include a blue flower in your headdress or theme your wedding flowers in blue.

And a silver sixpence in her shoe - This part is not really done anymore.

Now if we can just stop Chris and Marcia bonking for long enough to get married we should be ok. :)

1. Longest List - I'll warn you now, this can swallow up time!

2. I spoke to a few people about this, Deadliest Warrior - This program apparently is going to be re-shown in the UK, not sure of which channel yet.
Apparently one of the episodes might be a 4 year old kid and a 34 year old mother ;)

3. I still love these Photo Bombs - I believe these are new.

4. With news of Massa now being out of any real danger and just his eye causing problems it is appropriate to show The Crash. And I must admit it certainly will make things interesting now that Schumacher has stepped in. Also don't judge me because of the jokes, I waited until I was sure he was ok!

5. Jokes
(i)Rubens Barrichello must be awesome at Mario Kart.

(ii) This hot ass girl came over to myspace last night, she twittered my yahoo till I googled all over her facebook. Ask Jeeves...

DIY Jokes:
(i) Now that Lewis Hamilton has won his first Grand Prix of the season, he has a spring in his step.......

(ii) How do you find Will Smith in the snow

(iii) So Steven Gerrard's been asked by the judge to give disadvantaged people football lessons.
So as a goodwil gesture, he's going to ......................


6. Whilst trying to sleep Tuesday night in readiness for an early Wednesday start my mind started to wonder what was the longest Title a person can have, apparently
"Master Chief Petty Officer of the Coast Guard Reserve Force"

Although
Some would say that Prince Charles is pretty impressive:
"His Royal Highness The Prince Charles Philip Arthur George, Prince of Wales and Earl of Chester, Duke of Cornwall, Duke of Rothesay, Earl of Carrick, Baron of Renfrew, Lord of the Isles, Prince and Great Steward of Scotland, Knight Companion of the Most Noble Order of the Garter, Knight of the Most Ancient and Most Noble Order of the Thistle, Great Master and First and Principal Knight Grand Cross of the Most Honourable Order of the Bath, Member of the Order of Merit, Knight of the Order of Australia, Companion of the Queen's Service Order, Honorary Member of the Saskatchewan Order of Merit, Chief Grand Commander of the Order of Logohu, Member of Her Majesty's Most Honourable Privy Council, Canadian Forces Decoration, Aide-de-Camp to Her Majesty"

7. Stories behind some beer

8. Some quickiess:
Lunchtimers | Best Mom | Windows 7 Media Centre | Coke vs Pepsi, The Logos "

9. Patience Is Needed


10. I Gotta Feeling




Listicle Thursday

23rd Jul 2009 · · Link

I love weddings, and I have one to go to soon (yay). Mainly because my wedding was so great with friends and family and dancing and singing and comedian's etc etc.

However this is just fantastic, if your going to do something, make sure everyone chips in and gives it the full attention it deserves:



"And forever forward we march, until the end is in site, then we sit down and have a cold one." - Me feeling philisophical

Bring on the Listicle.


1. Amazing new ColdPlay Video, even if you don't like Coldplay, this video is a fantastic piece of work.
Seems like takedown notices are everywhere so sorry if you missed it, you'll have to grab it on the telly :)

2. Never Ever fall asleep Drunk

3. Bike Skills


4. Sarlacc - This just fascinated me.

5. Nice Answer

6. Religions - Some nuts ones. I have some realitives that are Christadelphians - They have no TV and just a lectern in the corner of the room where they read stories to one another for entertainment (I'm not joking either).

7. Ahem, wow, ahem, just found this site, ahem, Kiss Good Night - Local dating No Nonsense, No False Claims, No False Members.

8. 100 Things your kids may never know about - Number 26 has brought back a large hatred for Repton on the BBC Micro.

Well i'm off to figure out how to get people to join a dating site :)



Whisky Thursday List

16th Jul 2009 · · Link

One of the busiest weeks I've had this week, but it's not been without it's entertainment.

I was shopping the other day (I actually can't remember what day, which is scary) and whilst walking down the isle deciding on which magazine I can take to read whilst in line to pay (yes I know I shouldn't but I don't care) a lady brushed past me and grabbed a magazine (I think it was OK Magazine, but that's not important).

She promptly turned around and put it in her husbands basket.

"I don't want that?" - Came the reply
"It's not for you it's for me" - Said the lady
"But I don't want it" - Again came the reply.
"Look, just shut up, it's for me not you, you always have a go at my magazine purchases well I'll buy it separately if that's the case, why don't you just shut up and do something helpful". - Says the very annoyed woman. She continues her rant even further.

When she finally finishes with the ti-raid of abuse she finally looks up to see an annoyed man looking back at her.
Further down the isle however is her husband standing next to me crying with tears of laughter.

She just walked off.

The other interesting thing this week was a job I had to urgently get guillotined whilst out on the road. Being in a bit of a fix I called in a favour and within 5 minutes I had directions to a finishing house to cut out my A5 leaflets.

I meet the guy and engage in small talk whilst he is cutting out my leaflets. I start to fuss the company dog (everyone seems to have company dogs nowadays) and take a nose around me.

Not much to see, generally paper everywhere and cuttings. And then I spot it.

In the corner a man working on some paper work sipping at his cup of tea, and every now and then topping up his cup with some Whiskey.

At 10:00am in the morning.

I was in the place for less than 10 minutes and he had topped up his cup 4 times.

Needless to say I was impressed!

Ok then on with the stuff:

I've not read this yet (being the trend setter and not the follower I may never read it :), but this is the wired article New Rules for highly Evolved Humans. Looks like it's ok to txt whilst taking a piss now, although that has backfired on me a few times when I've texted something whilst taking a crap and the person has rung me back right away to clarify the text.
Odd conversations of "Are you in a small room, you have quite the echo", Err yes, yes I am.

After seeing this site I've managed to see a couple of the Directors Cuts that are mentioned. PayBack is a totally different movie!

How wrong can you get, but with something so right. Chocolate

I just loved this, an older person could have had a heart attack Expensive Habit, more details are also here. Is it geeky that I understand how the charges happened :)


This is via fazed.net and is fantastic. It's 9 minutes in length, watch ALL of it, don't worry no real spiders are in this, but it is a, well, just watch it.

Spider


Jokes Jokes Jokey Joke Jokes

When I was a kid I used to hide porn mags under my bed.
My brother in the bottom bunk went blind before he was 16.

Man walks into a doctors. "Doctor, doctor, I've got no ventricles," he
said half-heartedly.

I’ve just broken up with my schizophrenic girlfriend.
“It’s not you, it’s you”.

Well I'm off to check the post for my Toro Rosso Invitation.

The Scam

14th Jul 2009 · · Link

In a perfect lesson for how to make a scam into a good blog post Rob Manuel (of b3ta.com fame) got scammed and posted the photo of the person.

I'm sure i'm not the only one to think about this scam and how to refine it :)

Suckered In Thursday List

9th Jul 2009 · · Link

Happened to go to Wordsley Carnival last Sunday as other half was showing off a few greyhounds in the hope that someone will adopt them.
Whilst their took the youngest for a look around (eldest playing with cousin).

The general brick-a-brack and hook a duck stores were all around but over one side was what can only be described as a high curtain all the way around, nobody to be seen, in a very busy spot where lots of people are walking past.

Then all of a sudden a puppet (not unlike one of the old men in the muppets) appears over the top and addresses the audience and starts telling jokes.

Well my little one is enthrawled, so we stop and watch, as does just about everyone else around us (causing a problem that nobody can get passed so everyone just stops and watches).

The jokes continue for a while and then the puppet leaves. Quite amusing but the jokes were a bit, well strange, couldn't quite put my finger on them, but they were odd.

As people start to move around thinking it's then end of the show up pops three puppet monkey's and they start to mime the S-Club Song Reach. So again everyone stops and watches.

But a problem arises. When they get to the chorus. See if you spot the difference.

'Reach on up for God, climb every mountain higher,
Reach on up for God, follow his hearts desire,
Reach on up for God'

This was not met with an enthralled audience.
Suffice to say lots of crying from my youngest as I drag him away.

Bastards

Anyhoo:


The Funny:


The Old - Tip: Watch from 18 minutes :) It's the wussy kick that does it for me :)


The Random

The Name

The Time Waster - 2D version of what wasted so many of my hours

The Cool - Just Keep Clicking, Just Keep Clicking, Just Keep Clicking, Clicking, Clicking.

The Train

The Music - Jamie T



The Jokes - Warning these may well offend
1. If you don't enjoy masturbation, you only have yourself to blame.
2. I don't understand why I can't get a girlfriend.I'm as confused as Lieutenant Geordi La Forge was, as he examined the Enterprise's faulty warp drive during the season 3 finale of Star Trek: The Next Generation.
3. I just got a Text Message from my blonde girlfriend. It read 'I bought a new deodorant today. Instructions say 'take top off and push up bottom'. Still in Hospital, will call you later.'

Well I'm off to see if I can get a copy of Warehouse 13 on the SyFy, premise looks quite good.
And out of interest has anyone seen Watchmen, I'm still not decided if it was genius or really really shite.

Paper Char OS X Screensaver

5th Jul 2009 · · Link

Mac OS X Screen saver of alphanumeric characters scrolling down the screen in OpenGL.

The characters are created textures in the code and are being rotated and rippled at the same time, the screen saver is small in size.

Download Screensaver (12KB download 40KB actual screensaver size)

For this particular screen saver I will be making the source code available for download, available here (2.2MB).

I welcome comments on improvements and constructive criticism on improving the code, please be gentle :) Email schlotts @ opanoid . com with any questions and I will try to help.

Update: Fixed a little bug where it selected and incorrect texture leaving a white block. Saver and Source updated to reflect this.


Jumping List Thursday

2nd Jul 2009 · · Link

Usually on a weekend morning I get a bit of a break by not getting up quite as early in the week.
This entails the kids usually coming into the bed and either sleeping (ok that never happens) or playing around my dozing state. On some occasions the other half goes to help some charity, in which case I'm in the bed with the kids jumping around and generally getting in the way of my slumber.

Last Sunday on one such occasion an horrific thing happened.

Whilst the kids are playing the jumping on the bouncy bouncy bed and landing on daddy's back game my eldest took a run up over the bed jumped a small jump in readiness for the full pummeling jump to take full advantage of the springy springy bed.

All went well with the first jump and to be honest the setup from this jump was so perfectly time his full weight (he's only 4 to be fair) pushed down on the matress for one of the springiest, and highest, jumps in the history of mattress jumping (for him) and he landed square on my back.

I did not flinch.

I did not move.

In fact all I could do was shed a tear or two and emit a high pitched scream that only the dog (who, if he hadn't have gone with Claire would no doubt have come in the room) could have heard.

You see the secondary jump by my eldest had his feet squarely together over the top of my sausage and roast potatoes. The best way of describing this is the Scene in Kill Bill 2 where Kiddo (Uma Thurman) squishes Elle Drivers' (Daryl Hannah) eye ball between her toes.

Suffice to say, bed jumping is now forbidden in our house.




I'll struggle on with this before I have to go to school dinners (I kid you not) as my face is somewhat sunburnt (I can feel it cracking when I move around) and my hay-fever is awful, subject to having to have windows open all night to stop the family turning into a Sweat Blob Monster(c).

1. Hawkeye - Loving the Wimbeldon stuff and the rulings with this, here is the company that make it. And they have one for everyone, Football one in the works.

2. I don't use the word genius very often, but this is truly genius. Ever fixed someting 'temporarily', well then this is for you. There I Fixed It

3. Simply Huge Dogs, not photoshopped.

4. Skeptics annotated bible - This site is dedicated to rubbishing the bible, quran and book of mormon. So if you want to feel justified, give it a go, or if you want to anger up the blood give it a go.

5. Searching..................Everyone uses google, but more specialist ones are starting to pop up. Collecta - Uses things like twitter and flickr to get results. Kosmix - I quite like this one, gave some good results for opanoid.com :) - Apple style Thumbnail listings and Spyfu - Will be giving this a bending in the next few weeks!

6. If you want to be grossed out.Breastfeeding at 8 - I couldn't watch it.

7. A Grant for Bottom Inspecting Silly, although it is a good excuse for the alternative version of Baby Got Back:


8. And this weeks best medical name goes to Pruritic Urticarial papules

9. I didn't have much success with this, but I was a bit rushed and never properly used it, others may have better luck, Stellarium

10. Jokes of the Week
What's more distracting than Serena's Breasts?
Venus's fly trap.

This hot weather!
I'm sweating more than Dawn French on a guided tour of Mr Kipling.

I'm a Community Support Officer, and I'm a fake PC

I've just tried my wife's bra on.
They are more complicated than they look arent they?
After nearly 10 minutes it was starting to get right on my t1ts.

The Lesbians next door have bought me a Rolex! Well chuffed... but I think they misunderstood when I said "I wanna watch"

11. Finish on a song.

End it on a song, my current fav
Green Day - 21 Days


Fill The Void List

Six days ago · · Link

Sooooo busy, but thought i would post what has been gathered this past two weeks, enjoy:


Cee Lo Green - F You (the original isn't bad either


Strange Photo

Patience (stop motion)
I'm patient, but I don't think I could do this for a living.

Do you do this?

Still not using it

Jumpin'


Lucky F'ers.


Extended Version of Prince of Bel Air
It's just not right. (lyrics follow)



And the lyrics:
Now, this is a story all about how
My life got flipped-turned upside down
And I liked to take a minute
Just sit right there
I'll tell you how I became the prince of a town called Bel Air

In west Philadelphia born and raised
On the playground is where I spent most of my days
Chillin' out maxin' relaxin' all cool
And all shootin some b-ball outside of the school
When a couple of guys
Who were up to no good
Startin making trouble in my neighborhood
I got in one little fight and my mom got scared
She said 'You're movin' with your auntie and uncle in Bel Air'

I begged and pleaded with her day after day
But she packed my suite case and send me on my way
She gave me a kiss and then she gave me my ticket.
I put my walkman on and said, 'I might as well kick it'.

First class, yo this is bad
Drinking orange juice out of a champagne glass.
Is this what the people of Bel-Air Living like?
Hmmmmm this might be alright.
I whistled for a cab and when it came near
The license plate said fresh and it had dice in the mirror
If anything I can say this cab is rare
But I thought 'Now forget it' - 'Yo homes to Bel Air'

I pulled up to the house about 7 or 8
And I yelled to the cabbie 'Yo homes smell ya later'
I looked at my kingdom
I was finally there
To sit on my throne as the Prince of Bel Air



GeoTagged List

20th Aug 2010 · · Link

Afternoon all, Jesus tees off first hitting his ball straight into the water hazard. He simply walks across the water and hits his ball just short of the green. When Moses tees off, he hits his ball into the same water hazard. So, he parts the water and puts his golf ball just shy of the hole. As the old man tees off he hits his ball with tremendous power, but hooks it badly. It bounces off a tree and hits the caddy shack. It then rolls down a path to a pond where a frog eats the ball and swims to the other side of the pond. Suddenly an eagle swoops down and grabs the frog and flies off. As the eagle is flying over the green the frog drops the ball. The ball drops directly into the hole for a hole in one. Moses turns to Jesus and says "I hate playing golf with your Dad."

As the world quickly scrambles to change their FaceBook Profiles to disable Location settings I bring you the List:

Wow

Think Shes a Keeper

Remember kids, always Tip Your Midwife - ?!?!

YoYo Champ - And rightly so


Thanks to Kev for this one, Missy - Genius, I've sent this to 3 designers, they all rang me within 10 minutes laughing.

From the 'How to talk to the geeks about things and not have them laugh at you' Section: HTML5 and what it's all about

Katy B - On a Mission


Drivin' Fast.
Almost a quarter of drivers think it is acceptable to speed if they think the limit is too low - Tick that's me.
Drivers still distinguish between 'ordinary, safe speeding drivers' and 'dangerous speeding drivers' - Tick That's me too.
Motorists caught racing through motorway roadworks ended up being hit by more than £5m worth of speeding tickets last year. - Not been done on this, thankfully.
Of all the speeding offences 90+% are fixed penally notices. - Tick, got done by this.

Thought of the week.
Apple is very closed, they are right, everyone else is wrong (suppliers). However it was noted on a website that Apple have sent an update out for OS X that fixes graphics issues.
This is pretty much due in part to Valve releasing games for the Mac. It's further rumoured that the uptake of the games is astronomical.
Nothing Like a shit load of money to make Apple stand to attention.

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