Wednesdays Migraine list

7th May 2008 · · Link ·

At least I have managed to get 4 months and 7 days into 2008 before my first migraine. Almost forgotten how mind numbingly painful, annoying and debilitating they are.
As a result I just can't face copying links from flashy flashy websites for this wednesday list so you'll have to make do with a story and a spam rant!
Firstly the story.

The Chase


Some of you may know that my wife helps out at a Greyhound Trust on the weekends, walking them showing them to potential adopters of the Grehounds etc.
Well inevitably we have adopted on a permanent basis one of the aforementioned greyhounds.
Actually he's great, greyhounds are actually very lazy dogs, Claire walks him morning and night which is literaly just around the block and this tire's him out so much he just sleeps all night apart from getting up once to eat. He is around 4 years old and has finished his racing stint (he was very good from what we have seen coming either 1st or 2nd in every race, rest assured I'm trying to track down other dogs the trainer is looking after!).

Problem with greyhounds is they have to be walked on the lead, otherwise they run off, quickly, and they don't look back, ever.

My story (yes yes i'm getting to it) starts at my mother and father's cottage over the weekend, when, after a little family get together, we are on the way back to the car.
'Keep the dog in the house' I mention to mother, who promptly watches as Ferdi (the greyhound) walks past her, past me, past my children, past my dad, over the Bridge through the gate, down the dirt track, through the open farmers fence, into the next door field (it was at this point I gave chase for fear of the dog upsetting a sheep and the Farmer shooting Ferdi, of which is has every right to do).
Ferdi continues into the next field, with my running full felt behind him to try and catch up.
Then he moves from field to field to field to garden (of a house I didn't know existed, this cottage of my parents is really out in nowhere land).

TWENTY FUCKING MINUTES I spent running full pelt after this greyhound through muddy fields (not unlike the site as glastonbury some years). Until I finally gave up and with my last breath just shouted out 'PLEASE Ferdi come back'.

Odly, he did and I attached the lead.

This all seems like a nice happy ending I'll be your thinking, but closer friends will realise that I've not been very well recently, and running full pelt after a greyhound on uneven suraces in the rain, through the mud with Arse Grapes, is NOT something that will make you feel better.

I feel poorly.

Top Ten Spam Email Subjects


10. Webmaster's naked ass
Well now you mention it I don't have any pants on (underpants for those in the US).

9. Увеличение прибыли компании
Firstly the context is wrong, but I do like the sentiment of it, and in a strange way the comment is quite funny, don't think I'll be joining in with it though.

8. It is well known that women prefer big lovemakers!
Only because this confused me, big penis size, or big big (ie fat) people.
If it's big big people then here I am ladies, ready and waiting.
Must mean that because the size of m......well another time maybe

7.Hugest Ass!
hate to admit it but this is in only because I spent 2 minutes once staring at this one (and 7 other emails next to it identical) trying to figure out why it didn't look right.
Turns out I had a migraine about an hour later and I had become temporarily dislexic (yes that does happen to me).

6.Delivery Status Notification (Delay)
Used to fall for these on a fairly regular basis.
Now however I get a little over 400 of these each hour, so it's sort of lost it's appeal, problem is I'm sure there are mails that I send that do bounce back that don't get picked up by spam filters that I still automatically deleted. Makes you think doesn't it, you see I'll look at number 5 below's spam but not this one!

5. Possible Spam : 81% off for webmaster
Genius, Firstly they make it look like it's been checked, then they want me to 'double check' it and thus read the message.
Sirs my hat is off to you. Falls flat on it's face with the use of the word webmaster though.

4.Satisfactory sexual intercourse
This one has me me me written all over it, nuff said.

3.Item no.822272904148 - Notification of an Instant Payment Received from terenastul (terenastul@hotmail.co.uk)
One of these nearlt caught me out big time when it just happened upon my Inbox after I had noticed an ebay sell, I clicked on the spam then quickly clicked on the link thinking it to be a legitimate message.
Luckily the browser told me how stupid I was, told me to sit in the corner and not come back until I had thought about what I had done. After 2 minutes in the corner I'd forgotten why I was there so wondered off and had a sandwich. Anyway where was I, ah yes, stay away from my girlfriend*.

2. Does your PenisSize ruin your life? Our product will stop that.. ubtijo kyzla b0fkwk2
"At last" I thought, a solution the Giant Penis Syndrome that has plagued my life thus far.
To alas, it was for the purchase of a watch (I kid you not), sigh, come on Moby, lets try some other treatments.

1. you're a moron webmaster
Got to admit when you have your number called, and they got mine on this one :)

* I'd like to thank the Simpsons writers for this monologue.

I Apologise for spelling etc, I really do hang a migraine, and it really does hurt.

UPDATE: Just had to add this one in, The Mask of Zorro via b3ta.com



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